Photo from NP Engage

by Jeff B. Cohen

“I can resist anything except temptation” –Oscar Wilde

Once upon a time (actually last New Year’s Eve), there was a magical land of resolutions to make life better: hit your goal weight, drink less, spend more time with the kids, learn Portuguese, and finally fix up the Trans Am that’s been rusting in your driveway since 1984.

But then…the meanies of the real world invaded the land of resolutions with stress, distractions and obligations. Sadly, the resolutions were driven asunder. Sound familiar? Does to me as well. But have no fear! I have discovered three books which can help us get our resolutions back on track.

1.The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of it by Kelly McGonigal

Professor McGonigal based the book on her course at Stanford, The Science of Willpower. She uses experiments, research and anecdotes to argue that willpower is a biological phenomenon which can be improved by various exercises and understanding what happens physically when one faces a willpower challenge. Here are some key insights:

Today Is Perpetual: People have an overwhelming tendency to overestimate the virtue of their future behavior. “I’ll eat that pizza now, but only rice cakes for the next month.” Statistically, how you behave today is an extremely accurate predictor of how you will behave tomorrow.

Ride the Urge: A test subject is told, “Don’t think of a blue elephant!” At that moment, all the subject can do is…think of a blue elephant. The same is true of the urge to splurge.  Tell yourself “Never think about cigarettes,” and you will likely waste a great deal of mental energy trying not to think about cigarettes, then fixating on cigarettes, then smoking a cigarette. McGonigal suggests accepting that the urge exists, feeling it, thinking about it, and then moving on. Ride the urge!

Be a Compassionate Parent to Yourself: In matters of willpower, you are your own parent. When you have a lapse, don’t beat yourself up. That will lead to shame, stress and harmful behavior. “I’ll drink as many beers as I want. I’m a failure anyway.” If you are understanding and compassionate in parenting yourself, you are in a better position to analyze the misstep, stop the bleeding and prevent yourself from compounding the error with a binge.

2. How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life by Alan Lakein

Lakein says it best: “Time = Life. Therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life.” This brief volume is considered by many to be the best book ever written about time management. In Bill Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, Clinton discusses how the book taught him to set meaningful goals and effectively use his time to achieve them. Core concepts include the following:

Ruthless Prioritization: If you knew you were going to die in six months, how would you spend your remaining time on Earth? Lakein uses questions like this to help the readers discover and prioritize their goals. If your actions do not move you towards your three fundamental goals, you are mismanaging your time and should alter your behavior.

Lakein’s Question: When feeling overwhelmed, ask “What is the best use of my time now?” Although this book was written in 1973, this question seems more relevant today than ever. When drowning in a sea of e-mails, apps and social media, being able to calmly ask, “What is the best use of my time now?” is invaluable.

3. Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock

This accessible book uses scientific research to explain chemically and neurologically how the brain functions while attempting to achieve goals. Rock states, “By understanding your mind, you increase your capacity to change your brain.” Here are some of the important ideas discussed:

Won’t Power: The author turns the notion of willpower on its head. The brain has more natural ability to run away from bad stuff than run towards good stuff. To achieve your goals, you must hone your won’t power (i.e. “I won’t eat those cookies!”) as much as or more than your willpower (i.e. “I will fit in to my skinny jeans!”).  

 Status Threats: Biologically, threats to our status (i.e. being publically reprimanded or getting an unhappy reading from your scale) result in measurable mental pain. This is due to an evolutionary cause: if you had low status in the tribe of early mankind, you were the last in line to get food. Lack of status could result in starvation. Yikes! If you can recognize the impact of a status threat, you are in a better position to brace yourself and not let a temporary setback become a permanent one.

“Discipline is remembering what you want.” –David Campbell

These books have helped me jumpstart my New Year’s resolutions, and I hope they do the same for you. Like Einstein said, “You never fail until you stop trying.”

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